National Lampoon presents “New Adventures of Old Missy and Sheri’s Beach Trip”

Each year Sheri and I go on a beach vacation. Since neither of our husbands enjoys the beach, we go together and do what girls do on the beach – just lay there. We begin counting down for next year, usually on the way back. We look forward to this time of year and can hardly wait to get down there. This was our 7^th year. There is something to be said about traditions; I’m just not sure what it is. Maybe on the 7^th year, you should change all traditions….

 

This year began almost as the others, just more events prior – which should have told us something. Sheri lost her house in a tornado and lived in a hotel for 3 ½ months. I had minor surgery 10 prior to leaving. We were looking even more forward to this trip than before.

Day came to leave and we were giddy with excitement. We got down there and checked into our condo. Ahhh at last we were back on “our beach”. We got all of our supplies and set up for our next day on the beach. One full week of nothing but sun, rest, sand and salt. Even the hurricane that once threatened out good weather was veering around us leaving us with nothing less than perfect weather!

 

Day one on the beach was incredible. The water was so warm and very little movement. It was pool-like and relaxing. The dolphins were even playing a little ways out straight out from us. They stayed all day just teasing us with their beauty. What a beautiful day. We crawled in at the end of the day satisfied with the start of our vacation.

Later that evening, Sheri’s sunburn became evident, and my surgical incisions were oozing. You know it’s hard to look good with oozing wounds!

Day two we just adjusted our sails just a bit. We covered Sheri with extra sunblock, stuck her under the umbrella and decided we wouldn’t stay as long. So out to the beach we went. Oozing and sunburnt. Day two was happening as we planned. When we came in, Sheri looked at the oozing and out came the second mention of staph – she mentioned on the way down that the fact they were swelled and red that they looked infected. But nothing was going to sway me! Bruce called me and when I mentioned they were oozing, well let’s just say his protective knight in shining armor appeared and the strong suggestion I visit a doc-in-the-box came through loud and clear over the phone. Now understand I love this part of Bruce – just not when beach time is in play. But, we weren’t going back to the beach that afternoon since Sheri was so crisp, so we went. At first glance they said yep staph and put me on antibiotics. Because I am not a doctor nor do I play one on the web, I was satisfied with the diagnosis. I think I’m the only one though.

Monday we decided to try the beach again! Sheri loaded up on sunblock; I-- still oozing some went back. We decided that we would only stay a couple of hours since the sun even under an umbrella caused Sheri pain. So again sails were adjusted. We laughed and shopped. What else can a girl do at the beach if she can’t hit the salt and sand??

Tuesday morning we were up and Bruce had called once again. His concern was that the doc in the box wasn’t actually a doctor, and that I should go to the ER. Let me remind you that he isn’t either, but for some reason I listened to him, probably because I knew he would call again and he did say he played one on the web. He told me all the horror stories of MRSA – surgical staph. Doctor Sheri concurred. Now I’m outnumbered. My sails were trying to adjust quickly to the annoyance of having to go to the ER. I don’t know maybe it wasn’t as much annoyance to the ER or the threat of hospitalization in the slight case that I was wrong.

Tuesday afternoon we found the ER – they seemed to be expecting us, since Bruce had already called down and told them what was going on and asked if I should go in. OF COURSE they said yes, to which Bruce called me to let me know that they even thought I should go. He may have called others for opinions, but I’m not sure. A really nice Nurse Practitioner came in. She had 4 grandchildren who had just moved back in with her with their mom – her daughter. Apparently, her husband of 18 months wasn’t happy about that so she kicked him out. Divorcing him and never remarrying again. How can I get all that information, but still have no clue what her name is?? She looked at my arm in both places and decided that yes it should be reopened, drained and packed. Reopened in my mind didn’t involve cutting – I probably should look at more webdoc pages or something. Something to be said about playing a doctor on the web I guess. Somewhere in all of her speaking I missed the statement….this area doesn’t deaden well. How did I miss that?

Laying in the ER, trying not to scream as if I were having a child is not easy while the NP has a sharp object in her hand. Watching Sheri’s face was even more disturbing. I was a little concerned she may pass out. The NP decided that my arm was the perfect show-n-tell project for Sheri. Sticking one of those 6 inch Qtips in the now open without anesthesia or even Novocain deadened area she told Sheri “look at all these pus pockets!” She seemed a little too excited about it if you asked me. I’m just thankful she didn’t call others in to see as well. She drained all the “stuff” and then feeling a little like a Build a Bear she began stuffing me. That was also somewhat uncomfortable. I don’t know perhaps it was because I was still throbbing from being cut open. Then in all her excitement she moved to the elbow. Taking out stitches that apparently did not work, she proceeded to begin her procedure all over. This time though she didn’t invite Sheri to look. Perhaps it was the look Sheri shot her the first time. She took cultures to see what kind of staph I had – probably to keep Bruce from calling again. Before she left the room she did deliver the worst news – No more water for you! I think she even laughed an evil little laugh as she left. Did she KNOW I was at the beach! Isn’t medical science far enough advanced that these wounds could be in water without water touching the wounds?

Leaving the ER I looked like a WWII soldier coming home from war. Completely unattractive! I fought the urge to tell people when they looked down at the bandages that sharks don’t always eat--sometimes they just taste! At least that stuck with the beachy theme.

Well we’re at the beach with no more beach time. So sails adjusted we went on a dolphin cruise. We took the opportunity to ride a boat and see some dolphins in their habitat and feed the sea gulls following the boat. It was something that we always had planned but never pulled ourselves off the beach to take advantage of it. That was a lot of fun for us. We ate at places we haven’t eaten at before as well.

So the next day we had to decide what to do. We were keeping a good attitude and making the most of it, but I think we both had had enough shopping and land stuff. We had one more thing we wanted to do, but after that…..

The next day Sheri’s lips took on an Angelina Jolie look and I was bandaged up. We were really a sore sight for the eyes. So Botox gone bad Sheri and War wounded Missy made our way to the Gulfarium.




Something else we always talked about but never did. I think we’ve seen every dolphin – in captivity or not that Ft. Walton/Destin has to offer, and still can’t
get enough of them.

Thursday rolled around and another trip to the ER. This time to get out the stuffing they had put in and results. No MRSA – just the regular kind. We decided that we would just make our way home after that since we couldn’t go to the beach and had shopped all we could shop, met every dolphin and seen all the shows. We had conquered all land fun in the few days so we don’t have to worry about that for another 7 years. All we needed on this trip was Chevy Chase to make it a true National Lampoon’s vacation. Upon arrival I had to sign a paper saying I wouldn’t jump from the balcony to the pool – next year I may not sign that paper!

Josh, my son did suggest that next year we just have a picnic, which if next year begins like this one, I may take that suggestion.

Good news is Sheri got most of her house decorated thanks to the outlet stores, and I experienced Carter’s as a Nana. Economy is now booming in Destin. They can thank us later!

Yes, we are counting down the days until we return. Next year we are taking our own personal nurse with us and extra sunblock. If surgeries are mentioned, they will wait until after the beach. Only 357 more days until we lay on the beach! Our chairs await us…



Until then sitting safely at His Feet,